The DaVinci Code: Why Are Catholics Mad?

Well, the movie version of Dan Brown's novel, The DaVinci Code, is finally about to hit the movie theaters. I plan on being one of the millions who stand in ghastly long lines waiting to see the film. But as it nears, the Catholic Church is screaming bloody murder about how ridiculously false its claims are. Some groups are even calling on Catholics to boycott the film.

Now, I'll admit that the premise of the story is a bit far-fetched: a quest for the Holy Grail, no less. But the book's plot is based on the idea of concealing a dark truth so damaging to the Catholic faith that it could destroy it forever. The secret? That Jesus and Mary Magdalene were actually married and had kids! If true, that would put a damper on Jesus being the true Son of God, wouldn't it? But stating that this would destroy the Catholic Church is, in my mind, going a bit too far. Catholic doctrine said that the Ptolemaic solar system, with the Earth at its center, was the Biblically correct version. It was wrong, as Galileo tried to show. Catholic doctrine said it was okay for certain sins to be absolved if large enough monetary contributions were given to the Church. That was also wrong, as Luther tried to show. Again, Catholic doctrine said that Adam & Eve were literal, historical people. Again, they were wrong (and here's the connection with this blog) as Darwin tried to show.

According to the DaVinci Code, the Catholic Church would pay any amount of money to make sure that the secred of Jesus marriage and fatherhood remained a secret. But this is ridiculous. If Galileo, Luther, and Darwin didn't destroy Catholicism, nothing will! Least of all, Mary Magdalene having Jesus' kids! Theologians would just find a rationalization to divorce Jesus' divinity from that of his earthly progeny, and leave it at that. The Catholic Church would go on, as it always does. It found a way to dodge Luther's schism. It found a way to re-define the solar system without losing too much face. It found a way to declare evolution as not being in conflict with Church doctrine. In more recent times, it found a way to face the crisis of pedophile priests without self-destructing. Put frankly, the Catholic Church is the Rocky Balboa of religion, taking blow after blow to the face from a clearly superior opponent, and yet NOT GOING DOWN! How it does this is a complete mystery, as they make stupid mistake after stupid mistake.

And their stupid mistake this time? Why, they are protesting the DaVinci Code! If enough protesting takes place, the conspiracy theorists will take this as a confirmation that there might actually be something TO the contentions that the story makes! But, I suspect, even this will not be enough to do Catholicism in.

Another recent newsworthy item has been the flap over the recent South Park episode which lampoons the ridiculous beliefs of Scientology. I saw the episode (ain't the internet great?) and it's as brilliant as scientology is stupid. But it just goes to show: There is no belief system so dumb that someone, somewhere WON'T believe it! Perhaps that's why the DaVinci Code frightens people so much. The only thing more deadly to a phony religious belief system than the truth, is ANOTHER belief system which is far sexier!

Eric